When finals season settles over campus, students rush to Falvey Memorial Library, hoping to absorb every last bit of information seeping from the books, the students and faculty, and the walls around them. Students set up camp outside the fourth floor to ensure a seat the next morning, circle the computers like sharks preparing for an attack, and pounce on the tables in the 24-hour lounge like lions on wounded gazelles. Falvey, however, is not like this the rest of the year, and it is easy to spot the interlopers who have never set foot in the library before Finals Week. Here are a few of the telltale signs that you are (or are dealing with) a fledgling of Falvey.
1) You ask how late the 24-hour lounge is open.
2) You have tried to exit through the door in the 24-hour lounge in the middle of the day.
3) You ordered an iced coffee at Holy Grounds, and then tried to pay with a meal.
4) You bought your Diet Coke from the vending machine rather than the (cheaper) Holy Grounds right next to it.
5) You wanted to look for a book in the Falvey West Stacks, but thought it was closed because the lights were off.
6) You asked someone on the fourth floor if you could borrow a pencil.
7) You tried to make an appointment for the Writing Center at 9:00 in the morning.
8) You proudly pointed out that the library botched Homer when your friend took out a book using the ILLIAD.
9) You ask if someone can “watch your stuff” when you leave for two minutes to go to the bathroom or get a cup of coffee.
10) You look confused when a librarian walks over at closing time and asks, “Do you have anything that belongs to the library?”
11) You waited twenty minutes for the first floor bathroom.
12) You check the time on the grandfather clock in the 24-hour lounge.
13) You waited on the line for Printer A when there was no one standing at Printer B.
14) You have never taken out a book.
15) You didn’t know we had a library.
16) You thought that Falvey was that place on West with the gym.
Whether you prefer the 24-hour lounge or the fourth floor, stake out your spot at 7:00 AM or avoid Falvey like the plague, I sincerely wish you happy studying and the best of luck on your exams and papers for the rest of the semester.
Now, you interloper, get out of my seat!
By Janine Perri ’15