Letters from the Laundry Room

By Eric Guzzi

Dear Fellow Dorm Members,

Coming to college has made me realize my one true pet peeve; PLEASE STOP LEAVING YOUR LINT IN THE DRYER.  Throw it in the garbage can!  I know it was pretty fun to play with the first time I discovered it in the laundry room, but now there’s a stockpile on top of the dryer the height of Mt. Everest.  I promise you this is more than enough for the semester, so just throw yours away.  It is common courtesy, and really not that difficult. And for those of you who do not heed my warning, remember that the remnants of your clothes in that lint-ball have traces of your DNA in them. My lab results will be back in a week, so I WILL know who you are.

Dear Moses,

I really appreciate all of your hard work in the past.  In light of your specific and unique skill set, I ask that you please part the sea of soapy water flowing from washing machine 13.  It is preventing the freshmen in my dorm from crossing into the land of Clean-aan.

P.S. We don’t even need to bake bread, let alone wait for it to rise, come ASAP.

Dear Girls in My Dorm,

Thank you for all of the free Victoria’s Secret panties!  I now have enough pairs to fully stock my own store.  To be fair, I gave you three weeks to pick them up.  One question:  What have you been doing for three weeks without underwear?  That is kinda gross.

Dear Mother Nature,

Can’t you cut a girl a break?  I just washed my sheets yesterday…

Dear Stain Remover,

Two words: FALSE. ADVERTISING.

By Christine Fossaceca

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