Breaking News: Patrick, the Awkward Situation Donkey, Breaks Turnstile at Falvey Library

 By Matthew Crawford

 In another example of our university’s horrible upkeep, a turnstile in Falvey Library has already been labeled, “Do Not Use,” less than a month after they were installed. The turnstile in question is the very same one that Patrick rested his large stuffed body on. The event, which occurred Sunday, and the subsequent failure of the turnstile, demonstrates that the cheap turnstile was not meant to stand up to the large weight of a donkey. Hopefully, the turnstile will be repaired soon, but it could take weeks if past maintenance records continue. Patrick will be reprimanded for not using the turnstile properly.

But Patrick is just a scapegoat. The sign “Do Not Use” on a new turnstile is an inexcusable failure of the university. It seems like anything new in this university, whether that be tables, floors, bathrooms, or turnstiles immediately becomes antiquated, broken and old as soon as it is put to use. I will not be so heated at this issue if I come to the library tommorow and see the sign has been removed, but I have a feeling that that turnstile will be out of service for weeks. Might as well put a black garbage bag over it and forget it ever existed.


5 responses to “Breaking News: Patrick, the Awkward Situation Donkey, Breaks Turnstile at Falvey Library

  1. A different turnstile was broken last week too! And it also had a “Do not use” sign.

  2. overseas visitor

    Clearly not, Matt’s references to Patrick the Donkey show that this is meant to be lighthearted and deliberately a little whiney for fun’s sake.

  3. We are one of North Americas largest Turnstile Manufacturers and I would like an opportunity to help in this matter. Please send any info, thanks.

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